Analog Sh!t: The Common Sense Hustle

Analogue Sh*t: The Common Sense Hustle

Friday, July 29, 2005

|wear your vagina, on your face|

all the warning signs of being a female.

one day it would be nice to live in a place where you were not stared at, or yelled across an anything to all on account of you owning a vagina.
also, it would be great to walk down the street without being on edge all of time
to the point where,
you plan out your plan of attack for every shady male that comes near you.
trust, this is not compulsion, but means of prevention.
i would rather not feel like the hunted in a hunt while just trying to walk to the store and buy a soda.
just a psa.

in otherer news, i'm in love.
not that this is new, but as a direct result of this act, (or state) i have developed things about myself i do not like. When i'm "in love", I am stupid. I say stupid things, I can't really think as clear as I had been thinking prior to me falling, because everything I think of becomes somehow saturated with thoughts of how what i'm thinking will affect the person (that shit is dumb yo) . I'm a love martyr; totally and willingly up for death of self, if it leads to the procreation of love.
Not blindly, and not for just anyone...but i'm serious.
the smashing pumpkins put it best "love is suicide".

The lines between lovers and friends have been marred. Between me and the lover/friend, between the rest of the world and who they're sleeping with.
When i'm in this haze of love, I really just yearn for how it was in the beginning
amaze me again, please; I'm at a point where I don't understand why I ever became this way.
Part of me wishes to just go back in the calender, and go back to the day in which this all became so real to me.
fall into a hole and dig yourself deeper.

today in target. i went and bought an umbrella.
i turned the corner and heard scuffles. i also heard a crowd forming...you ever hear a crowd form? it's like whispers of things that should or should not be said. you can even hear eyes fixating.
a huge guy was getting tackled by a even more huge security guard, a huge lesbian, and two tiny security guards.
he resisted arrest for 12 minutes before he eventually got peppersprayed.
he almost got away from it all, at which point i proceeded to take closer and closer baby steps approaching the doors.
it was terrible, like viewing some wild animal attempting to be broken in and tamed. he was fighting so hard to keep something that he was unsafe with having in the first place.

then, normal life resumed. i used my new black and white polka dotted umbrella. i yelled at some guy whom i felt had violated my vagina (that i was wearing on my face at that time, of course), and i plotted the attack of two shady men on the walk to the house. a guy turned around a oogled at me, he tripped into a rain puddle.
score one for the big vaginas.

-m.

and also, it's mike's birthday.
not with me.
that's all.
(dumb shit when you're in l**e)

0 comments effuimpretty @ 8:57 PM

Friday, July 22, 2005

|why does this keep happening?|

RYANR301 (10:46:01 PM): wassup
No hollabak girl (10:46:05 PM): hey
JRYANR301 (10:46:07 PM): im sorry
No hollabak girl (10:46:21 PM): about?
JRYANR301 (10:46:44 PM): gettin off when u was tryna talk
JRYANR301 (10:46:49 PM): where u from in pg
JRYANR301 (10:47:38 PM): o now u gone ignore me?
No hollabak girl (10:48:15 PM): ?
JRYANR301 (10:48:26 PM): imma talk slow
No hollabak girl (10:48:27 PM): you typed all that within a minute of each other
JRYANR301 (10:48:36 PM): lol
JRYANR301 (10:48:36 PM): so
No hollabak girl (10:48:42 PM): raid response?
No hollabak girl (10:48:47 PM): *rapid
JRYANR301 (10:49:00 PM): yup
No hollabak girl (10:49:05 PM): nah.
JRYANR301 (10:49:09 PM): :-JRYANR301 (10:49:17 PM): where u at in pg
No hollabak girl (10:49:21 PM): just calm down i type @ a pretty average rate
No hollabak girl (10:49:33 PM): i don't know.
No hollabak girl (10:49:37 PM): i don't live here
No hollabak girl (10:49:42 PM): i dont know the different parts
No hollabak girl (10:49:54 PM): i live near the mall.
No hollabak girl (10:49:58 PM): i work at the mall.
JRYANR301 (10:50:20 PM): lol
JRYANR301 (10:50:23 PM): what mall boo boo
JRYANR301 (10:50:27 PM): bowie town center
JRYANR301 (10:50:35 PM): capital town center
No hollabak girl (10:50:42 PM): why would i stay there
No hollabak girl (10:50:45 PM): if there's a pg mall?
JRYANR301 (10:50:50 PM): oooooo
No hollabak girl (10:50:53 PM): why would i say i live near bowie
No hollabak girl (10:51:00 PM): that doesn't even make sense.
JRYANR301 (10:51:00 PM): u in hyattsville?
No hollabak girl (10:51:06 PM): yes, i suppose.
JRYANR301 (10:51:13 PM): y u gettin smart!?!?
JRYANR301 (10:51:36 PM): u need counselin
JRYANR301 (10:51:40 PM): lol
No hollabak girl (10:54:01 PM): you are so hype on AIM
JRYANR301 (10:54:17 PM): im jokin
No hollabak girl (10:54:22 PM): mmhmm
JRYANR301 (10:54:26 PM): y u takin it serious
JRYANR301 (10:54:31 PM): u aint from pg
JRYANR301 (10:54:34 PM): where u from?
No hollabak girl (10:55:48 PM): pg county va
JRYANR301 (10:55:56 PM): va?
JRYANR301 (10:56:01 PM): aint no pg county va
No hollabak girl (10:56:03 PM): that is what i typed.
JRYANR301 (10:56:04 PM): u liar
No hollabak girl (10:56:06 PM): yes there is
JRYANR301 (10:56:09 PM): :-No hollabak girl (10:56:13 PM): it's called prince george
JRYANR301 (10:56:13 PM): come on now
JRYANR301 (10:56:17 PM): nigga
JRYANR301 (10:56:20 PM): thats in MD
No hollabak girl (10:56:21 PM): not prince georges
JRYANR301 (10:56:27 PM): o ok
JRYANR301 (10:56:29 PM): ur right
No hollabak girl (10:56:31 PM): you should calm down.
JRYANR301 (10:56:39 PM): u should stop tellin me to calm down
No hollabak girl (10:56:48 PM): you maryland kids are weird.
JRYANR301 (10:57:03 PM): ok
JRYANR301 (10:57:14 PM): nigga u weird
No hollabak girl (10:57:15 PM): :-
No hollabak girl (10:57:18 PM): okay.
No hollabak girl (10:57:21 PM): ?
JRYANR301 (10:57:25 PM): dont know where u live
JRYANR301 (10:57:37 PM): talkin bout " i think i live in hyattsville"
JRYANR301 (10:57:46 PM): if that aint the dumbest shit i ever heard in my life
No hollabak girl (10:58:10 PM): that's definitely not what i said.
No hollabak girl (10:58:14 PM): you said hyattsville
JRYANR301 (10:58:17 PM): what u say then?
No hollabak girl (10:58:19 PM): and again i don't LIVE here
No hollabak girl (10:58:29 PM): i'm staying here for like 6 weeks
No hollabak girl (10:58:36 PM): why would i know?
JRYANR301 (10:58:48 PM): y u stay there for that short period f time?
No hollabak girl (10:59:00 PM): just to stay with my sister
No hollabak girl (10:59:04 PM): i've never lived here before
No hollabak girl (10:59:10 PM): i don't know anything about this place.
JRYANR301 (11:01:00 PM): o ok
JRYANR301 (11:01:04 PM): thats wassup
JRYANR301 (11:01:15 PM): whats ya name?
No hollabak girl (11:01:35 PM): Suzi.
No hollabak girl (11:01:37 PM): you?
JRYANR301 (11:01:53 PM): lol
JRYANR301 (11:01:54 PM): suzi
JRYANR301 (11:01:56 PM): lol
JRYANR301 (11:01:58 PM): im ryan
JRYANR301 (11:02:39 PM): u got that throwback name
No hollabak girl (11:02:43 PM): mmhmm.
JRYANR301 (11:03:49 PM): where u work at in the mall?
No hollabak girl (11:05:36 PM): lucaya
JRYANR301 (11:05:43 PM): whats that?
No hollabak girl (11:06:49 PM): a store.
JRYANR301 (11:07:18 PM): u are rude, and boring
JRYANR301 (11:07:23 PM): y u actin like taht
JRYANR301 (11:07:28 PM): what kind of store nigga!
No hollabak girl (11:07:30 PM): how am i rude?
JRYANR301 (11:07:37 PM): cuz u said its a store
JRYANR301 (11:07:42 PM): i know that
No hollabak girl (11:07:43 PM): son it's a clothing store...you asked what it was i told you
No hollabak girl (11:07:46 PM): it could be a kiposk
No hollabak girl (11:07:49 PM): a restuarant
No hollabak girl (11:07:51 PM): a booth
No hollabak girl (11:07:53 PM): for all you know
JRYANR301 (11:07:55 PM): lol
No hollabak girl (11:07:56 PM): i told you what it was.
JRYANR301 (11:07:56 PM): lol
JRYANR301 (11:08:06 PM): there u go boo
JRYANR301 (11:08:09 PM): express your feelins
JRYANR301 (11:08:10 PM): lol
JRYANR301 (11:09:25 PM): u cute tho, all jokes aside
No hollabak girl (11:09:45 PM): yeah, thanks.
JRYANR301 (11:09:57 PM): lol
JRYANR301 (11:10:06 PM): i dont get any compliments?
No hollabak girl (11:11:43 PM): are you needy?
JRYANR301 (11:11:51 PM): what u mean?
No hollabak girl (11:12:06 PM): you can't force a compliment
No hollabak girl (11:12:10 PM): only needy people do that.
JRYANR301 (11:12:16 PM): so u saying i dont deserve oe?
JRYANR301 (11:12:20 PM): one*
No hollabak girl (11:12:22 PM): and needy, once again
No hollabak girl (11:12:27 PM): you can't invert my question
JRYANR301 (11:12:32 PM): no im asking you a question
No hollabak girl (11:12:32 PM): to get the response you want to hear.
JRYANR301 (11:12:39 PM): hol on
JRYANR301 (11:12:52 PM): ur saying it like i wanna hear sumthin positive
JRYANR301 (11:12:58 PM): im willing to hear that im ugly also
No hollabak girl (11:13:04 PM): i saw your picture like once today
JRYANR301 (11:13:38 PM): u weird
JRYANR301 (11:13:51 PM): did u live around black people in prince george?
No hollabak girl (11:14:11 PM): oh , this is the part where you tell me "you actin real white right now"
No hollabak girl (11:14:14 PM): lame.
JRYANR301 (11:14:18 PM): omg
JRYANR301 (11:14:25 PM): y do u think u got me figured out
JRYANR301 (11:14:30 PM): cuz u definately dont
No hollabak girl (11:14:38 PM): because i said that i did?
No hollabak girl (11:14:41 PM): i don't remember that.
JRYANR301 (11:14:51 PM): u just act like u have a problem wit me b4 u even got a chance to get to know me
No hollabak girl (11:15:00 PM): i never said i had a probelm with you.
JRYANR301 (11:15:02 PM): its cool tho
No hollabak girl (11:15:08 PM): if i had a problem with you i wouldn't be taling to you.
No hollabak girl (11:15:29 PM): *talking
JRYANR301 (11:15:49 PM): well u need to work on your mouth
JRYANR301 (11:15:53 PM): cuz its smart
No hollabak girl (11:15:56 PM): i need to stay black and die
JRYANR301 (11:16:01 PM): and u dont seem like a happy child
No hollabak girl (11:16:07 PM): i DON'T need some random dude telling me what he THINKS i need to do.
JRYANR301 (11:16:07 PM): what?!
JRYANR301 (11:16:13 PM): lol
JRYANR301 (11:16:18 PM): u are weird
JRYANR301 (11:16:35 PM): i cant wait til u get to campus
No hollabak girl (11:16:39 PM): a maryland kid would tell me that.
JRYANR301 (11:16:42 PM): i wanna see if u gone act like this
JRYANR301 (11:16:55 PM): shut up ur from prince george, va
JRYANR301 (11:16:56 PM): lol
JRYANR301 (11:17:08 PM): u went to orientation already?
No hollabak girl (11:17:11 PM): i'm not from anyweher
No hollabak girl (11:17:14 PM): *anywhere
No hollabak girl (11:17:22 PM): yes.
JRYANR301 (11:17:45 PM): wow
No hollabak girl (11:18:04 PM): wow?
JRYANR301 (11:19:21 PM): yea
JRYANR301 (11:19:32 PM): where u hated as a child?
No hollabak girl (11:19:43 PM): ....
No hollabak girl (11:20:01 PM): did no one teach you how to spell "were" as a child?
JRYANR301 (11:20:15 PM): lol
JRYANR301 (11:20:19 PM): i was typing fast
JRYANR301 (11:20:26 PM): sorry;-)
No hollabak girl (11:20:31 PM): okay.
JRYANR301 (11:20:42 PM): can u be nicer to me please?
No hollabak girl (11:22:08 PM): so, it's the way you're carrying it...i'm not being "mean". you're not even talking to, a lot of people don't get my tone. if you think i'm being "mean" man up....learn how to deal with girls who don't like fluffy bs.
No hollabak girl (11:22:16 PM): *son
No hollabak girl (11:22:37 PM): everything you ask me i answer.
No hollabak girl (11:22:51 PM): you are thw only one that wants to sit back and analyze the way that i'm saying it.
“JRYANR301” signed off at 11:22:56 PM.
“JRYANR301” signed on at 11:26:37 PM.

West Virginia football player status.

0 comments effuimpretty @ 11:59 PM

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

|full moon|

In hindsight, the first, or last, entry here was more, or less, a good, or bad character sketch of my personality.
That said, let me give you a clearer picture about the type of person i am, sans the emo overload (or not).

I just got off of the phone with a football player for west virginia. he became frustrated after time and time again of me telling him "it doesn't matter if i'm a virgin or not because that part of my life obviously won't concern you".
i think he just hung up on me
he asked me if i'm going to be like "this" all of the time?
"what is this?" i said
"man you're just really sarcastic and i don't usually deal with girls like that"
"oh, that's because the art of sarcasm usually requires people to have brains, you've probably been dealing with girls without them."
"man you wild yo...are you mixed with something?"
"no"
"so you're just pure black?"
"yes...why"
"man you actin real white right now."

i hope he really hung up on me.

That just sums up my experiences in this place. I'm staying with my sister in Prince George's County Md. this summer. The sad part about it all, is that this place is better than home.
But what a peculiar place it is. The Maryland girls dress like harajuku girls, people sell bootlegged cds with their babies in arm, and I have yet to find an intelligent soul here.
The other day i went grocery shopping and passed out in a spanish grocery store. Mind you, this wasn't even the original store I went grocery shopping in. Just another black girl caught of in the mix.

I've been home since then (in Virginia). Lame parties and then the club. One of my best friends Markita left for school, so going back now would be lame.
It's weird to see dynamics change on account of people.

Right now I feel myself beginning to settle into some drastic mood. It is not that things are not going the way that I want them to...rather it seems as things are not going at all.
I'm at a life plateau right now: love, money, sex, friendships everything on one level playing field.
Some people kill for that you know?
But do you know how much I want to kill myself right now? Well, not in the literal sense. But Jesus, can I get something to shake up my life a bit?
More than likely, school will do the trick, but that's a good month away.

Whoever met a teenager with no passion?
Great direction, but not passion.
Not that i'm not passionate about things
but right now there is no passion in my life. You understand?
I'm a passionless passionate person.
The new triple p...eff the platinum pied pipers.

I'm going to drive mysself crazy soon.
but it's a full moon, so lunacy appears to be a fitting option right now.

-m.

0 comments effuimpretty @ 11:22 PM

Monday, July 11, 2005

|Waking Up Beside Yourselves|

Common sense ain't common right? Right.
Here begins another chapter in the life of Analogue; which will be, more or less. anticlimatic.

I'm just back from vacuuming as a 'punishment' for not going to church on Sunday, and back from taking the metro from Mike's.

You ever slept across from something you wanted to be sleeping with?

I couldn't really sleep well last night knowing that was the case.
As I lie there, some stupid overwhlming feeling kind of took hold of me:
-I need to consolidate my life(s).
It's been fun for the time
I've never had a whole "put together" life...just fragments of life, some better than others.
Case in point: @ home, in NowhereThatReallyMatters, Virginia--> I had three lives: school life, and sex life, and sometimes, relationshit life. No one of these ever really meshed into the other. The lines never blurred, they were all so separate. At school I had a couple friends that ventured into these other lives with me. This may not make sense right now, but stick with me.
My sex life @ home was as dysfunctional as the rest: sexual attraction often lead to the empty action. "Casual?" I don't know. We never hung out, why bother.
The two serious relationships I did attain ended up badly...mostly because of my own naivete in discovering the types of people I wanted to surround myself with on a more serious level.
I've put on all the faces for all the different parts of my life: for teachers, white people, black people, theatre people, people I was attracted to, people who were attracted to me; all the while never really connecting the relationships.

Then, Michael came along and confused me more.
He could possibly be someone that helps me tie this all together,
but it's up to him.
I never really know how serious he is about this whole thing
It's not like I want to get married today, or tommorrow, (or most likely ever given my track record).
And given the situation at hand (me leaving for school in August, him working on his movie) if we both ever wanted this to work we'd really have to want it to work.
Whatever relationship we have, I would like it clearly defined, so as to build or destroy where applicable. He is special to me, I love him. I believe he loves me. Figuring out what we have will play a key role in figuring out where I stand with myself.
Do not misconstrue this.
This is in no way dependency; but a majority of the time, people nurture their own self-growth by removing themselves from a situation and figuring it out in relation to those that were in the situation with them.
Or maybe that's just me?

This "new"(er) life would be better kissing a person I enjoy wast...spending my time with
and maybe my friends will meet him
and maybe everyone will know me in the same ways
and maybe I'll sleep easier knowing that the lover and student and friend in me are all of the same dynamic,
travel similar pathways, sleep in one body in any given bed.
It could be sweet.

Now I have to go to a job that I don't like, and make money that is hardly reasonable.
That'll com later though.

Peaz.
-S.analogue