Analog Sh!t: The Common Sense Hustle

Analogue Sh*t: The Common Sense Hustle

Monday, July 11, 2005

|Waking Up Beside Yourselves|

Common sense ain't common right? Right.
Here begins another chapter in the life of Analogue; which will be, more or less. anticlimatic.

I'm just back from vacuuming as a 'punishment' for not going to church on Sunday, and back from taking the metro from Mike's.

You ever slept across from something you wanted to be sleeping with?

I couldn't really sleep well last night knowing that was the case.
As I lie there, some stupid overwhlming feeling kind of took hold of me:
-I need to consolidate my life(s).
It's been fun for the time
I've never had a whole "put together" life...just fragments of life, some better than others.
Case in point: @ home, in NowhereThatReallyMatters, Virginia--> I had three lives: school life, and sex life, and sometimes, relationshit life. No one of these ever really meshed into the other. The lines never blurred, they were all so separate. At school I had a couple friends that ventured into these other lives with me. This may not make sense right now, but stick with me.
My sex life @ home was as dysfunctional as the rest: sexual attraction often lead to the empty action. "Casual?" I don't know. We never hung out, why bother.
The two serious relationships I did attain ended up badly...mostly because of my own naivete in discovering the types of people I wanted to surround myself with on a more serious level.
I've put on all the faces for all the different parts of my life: for teachers, white people, black people, theatre people, people I was attracted to, people who were attracted to me; all the while never really connecting the relationships.

Then, Michael came along and confused me more.
He could possibly be someone that helps me tie this all together,
but it's up to him.
I never really know how serious he is about this whole thing
It's not like I want to get married today, or tommorrow, (or most likely ever given my track record).
And given the situation at hand (me leaving for school in August, him working on his movie) if we both ever wanted this to work we'd really have to want it to work.
Whatever relationship we have, I would like it clearly defined, so as to build or destroy where applicable. He is special to me, I love him. I believe he loves me. Figuring out what we have will play a key role in figuring out where I stand with myself.
Do not misconstrue this.
This is in no way dependency; but a majority of the time, people nurture their own self-growth by removing themselves from a situation and figuring it out in relation to those that were in the situation with them.
Or maybe that's just me?

This "new"(er) life would be better kissing a person I enjoy wast...spending my time with
and maybe my friends will meet him
and maybe everyone will know me in the same ways
and maybe I'll sleep easier knowing that the lover and student and friend in me are all of the same dynamic,
travel similar pathways, sleep in one body in any given bed.
It could be sweet.

Now I have to go to a job that I don't like, and make money that is hardly reasonable.
That'll com later though.

Peaz.
-S.analogue

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