Analog Sh!t: The Common Sense Hustle

Analogue Sh*t: The Common Sense Hustle

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

|god.|
How can I forget you,
Disregard how I feel,
Silently listen,
To the words I can't see.

As long as I have tried,
As low as I can be,
I will never resign myself,
From the trial I seek.

Why should I forgive you,
After all that I've seen,
Quietly whisper,
When my heart wants to scream.

For as long as I have tried,
And as low as I can be,
I will never resign myself,
From the trial I seek.

There's no time to rest,
Or to reconsider,
For this cruel unsaid,
Won't concede.

For as long as I have tried
And as low as I can be
I will never resign myself
From the trial I seek.

0 comments effuimpretty @ 2:47 PM

Sunday, November 13, 2005

|everyone in the 24 hour mcdonalds is asleep|

in times square.
the city that never sleeps sleeps in 24 hour spots
bc it's impossible for a city to never sleep.

nyc is weird, and annoying
and it makes people around me annoying and snippy.
it's the type of city that can bring out the worst in a person i suppose.

i look like i've been run over by the devil's tractor trailor
and i have a lot more to say about this "somethin else town"
but it's not even worth it right now.

i miss philly, and nyc people are weird.
i'm not sure i would ever want to live here.

maybe when i get a small dog
and sunglasses for times square
and various other pretentious things

oh, and trade in my soul.

-M.

0 comments effuimpretty @ 4:52 AM

Saturday, November 12, 2005

|English|

two people who love stability but dislike the rigidity of monogamy are equally met.
she's been trained to analyze
and him to reject it.
and they found a common understanding in an idea
and way of life,
in a feeling
maybe not much else?
who can tell.

i hate the country for making me so careful.
i hate the time on my hands for making me so careful. because sometimes inhibition is needed just as much a watchful eye is.

HE must come to understand (and i know he'll say that he has) that these things are my best friends, and have been, and it's hard to throw them away.
and it's just as scary to throw them away on account of one person.

i'm tearing myself down and wondering if i'm really tearing myself down. it sure feels like it. there's this little feeling inside, and it sounds weird, but every time there's something it just feels like a scrape. And i've been acting with that scrape in mind, and it's worked for me.
But now not so much so.

Dear you, I cannot possibly love in under these conditions. Just look at them. Everything moves too much.
And I too yearn for the constant, but that can get us into just as much trouble.

This is all blanketed and I'm sorry
there are so many messages to so many people I'm trying to get out.

I love the men that have already learned to love themselves,unaided,
a blessing and a curse.
i get love and tips about love
and tips
about love
and it serves as a paradox because they're given in hopes that i never have to use them with anyone else.

i am learning to disseminate
or
i am going to take the time out to disseminate

so i too can be stuck in whatever way i choose.
i choose.

This is all blanketed and I'm sorry
there are so many messages to so many people I'm trying to get out.

-M.

0 comments effuimpretty @ 3:14 AM

Monday, October 31, 2005

|nooooo|

I took this last night. My first attempt @ yellow photojournalism. More later.

0 comments effuimpretty @ 10:23 AM

Sunday, October 16, 2005

|weather/ whether |

Seemingly, a short-lived period of depression in Philly is over. It rained for about a week and a half. A month it feels like. On Friday it seems like the weather was just trying to piss you off because it wasn't even a drizzle, it was like a mist over your face. And it was cold. I've never been misted in the cold. In my face, even.
But what can you do?

Then, my mom was lost somewhere on the eastern seaboard between Virginia and Philadelphia for some odd hours. Somehow I found her in her hotel.
Me, her, and C.L. walked the whole of Philadelphia maybe.
The weather stopped being depressing.
Other interesting things that occurred:
-Going to Hibachi's and ordering $100 worth of food and paying $31 for it.
>Fried ice cream.
>Smoked salmon sushi.
> Beautifulness.
- Putting a Kiddy Perm in my hair after being through trial @ Black Hair Court.
- Freestyling in the back a hack (faux cab) for an entertainment lawyer.
-Arguments w. a Professional SEPTA bum.
-A fight breaking out in the middle of pancake time.
>The drunk white people. <3

The sun shined all these times.
I don't have much to say. Tommorow I'm going to go join some Feminist Alliance. Soon my glamorous modeling career begins. I really have to stop eating food like I live in Philadelphia. The food is just......
so...
good.
:-(

I'll have something profound to say soon.
-M.

p.s. i've enabled real comments. so, comment. for real.

0 comments effuimpretty @ 11:36 PM

Sunday, October 02, 2005

|Time & Shit|

I will preface this with saying that Philadelphia Pancake Day is the shit and should be made a national holiday.

My circadian rhythm is planning a revolution against me.
I would estimate that in the last week and a half I have gotten very little sleep for various reasons.
Some of those reasons I'm pissed off about, some of them I couldn't dodge. I mean, really, how can I escape the reality that my nasal sinuses actually cease existing when I choose to go to sleep?
This only adds to the irritation.

I spend most of my time unasleep being semi-productive. Busying myself with various forms of mass media to mask the fact that my body hates me. In turn, I've turned into a walking zombie.
What gives? I don't believe that "oh you're just in college" crap.
But then again who knows what I believe. It's like 6 in the morning and I'm a zombie. As a matter of fact, anyone who attempts to read this shouldn't really understand it bc it's written in zombie code.

I'm restless.
I go to sleep late and wake up early. I have bursts of sleep. I can't nap. I have got to be living my life wrong. My personal perception of time gets masked by that of my surroundings...the bus schedule...the kids yelling down the hall @ 4 in the morning...the other zombies like myself up, all reassuring me that this condition is okay.
Not saying that I'm not NOT time efficient. I'm not a psycho-planner or anything. I've tried the PDA route, it actually messed my schedule up more. I go through the day with the next thing in mind
it just adds to that restless quality...
"what can I squeeze in here?"
That mentality all day makes you want to die sometimes. Sucks knowing that I live in a society where that question becomes more and more pressing
until I'm not even a person anymore
I'm just a schedule.

Ha. This is the age we live in people. When you log onto your dating website of choice it will no longer have a picture of a desirable partner, or even an extensive list of their hobbies and interests; you will only get their schedule. I think we should resort to this system if you ask me. It's a modest and seemingly efficient proposal. An example using comparison, shall we?
Bob: 24
6am-7am: Light jog through the park.
7am-8:30am- Reads the daily paper on his commute to his great entry-level job (with benefits I might add).
9am-12pm: Meaningless meaningless American busy work.
-Lunch-
1pm-5pm: More meaningless work. Office smalltalk. Emails and crap. Oops, did I type crap?
This is where schedule-dating can come in handy
6pm-10pm: Log onto www.someweirdassfetishes.com and masturbate for four hours.
11pm: Pop a couple pills and dance around naked for a bit.
12pm: Begin one-hour before bed prayer. Update tommorow's schedule to include time for ritual sacrifice of some small animal. Pick out a tie for work. Lights out!!!

Oh my, seems like Bob here has a couple of (sacrificial) skeletons in his closet. Let's see how he measures up against another Schedule-dater, Travis.

Travis: Suprisingly also 24.
6am-7am??? This is a time?
(skips to 3:30pm)
3:30pm-4:00 When my real day starts. Roll off the couch and pour some cereal. Fuck...no milk.
4:00-10:30- ps2!!!
10:30pm-10:45pm- weed!!!
10:45pm-11:00pm- Write some songs for my band.
11:00pm-11:15pm- Realize I've been just THINKING I've been writing for the past 15 minutes when I've only been THINKING about writing for the past 15 minutes.
1:00am- Damn, where'd that whole other hour and 15 minutes go? Fuck this, I'm goin to sleep.

This system is promising with my proposal. How many times have people had to quit an otherwise great relationshit due to scheduling/agenda/life goal conflicts? Oh sure, you hear about it all the time with celebrities. With the schedule-dating system in place, this could all be easily eliminated. Who cares if you're attracted to the person or not
FORGO YOUR STANDARDS FOR TIME.

I really think I've lost my mind. I'm watching the sun come up now. Well, the skyline is changing from dark to light. It's a melon color and it fades to blue. The clouds are purple. I'm listening to my ipod.
There is no relief in sight for me.

My problem is that all the boys want to sleep when I'm awake.
And be away when I'm here.
*waits for the day when she'll find someone with a similar schedule and agenda*
Possibly that way, I'll either be asleep right now, or not watching the sun come up alone.

-M.

0 comments effuimpretty @ 6:26 AM

Thursday, September 22, 2005

|First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage|

This is definitely wrong. But it also happens to be what we're socialized to believe. First comes love, or what we perceive as love. Then comes college, then comes conflicting schedules. And not schedules like time, schedules like emotional agendas. Like, at this point we should definitely be "here" but bc of circumstance we're "here".
But i sure do miss when we were sitting up in that tree.
It was so far from everything else. As long as we were in the tree, no one could touch us.
But storms arise, and sometimes the tree limbs fall, sometimes the whole tree itself.
At which point you make the decision to let allow the tree to become compost and fertilize new trees, or plant a new tree
even though the new tree will take time to grow, and you will be forced to start over
a tree is a tree.

I'm on that shit.

I haven't written in forever. I've been fraternizing around this mad city. I've been to the hood, i've been to the zoo, i've been to the river, chinatown, i've even stood in the very spot the picture on this blog was taken. On trolleys ad buses on trains and whatever other mode of transportation isn't a car. Most of it is amazing. Some of it is frightening. I like it, from what I've seen.

I just figured out how to work my damn school email and saw that my father had written me. My father and I have a rather estranged relationship (by circumstance & choice). He somehow found me and wrote me an email telling me that he wants to give me $2500, and more if I come to see him (in the Bronx). I gave him my address and told him I would give him a call. This is still all to weird to me. He really doesn't know a thing about me underneath the surface...i'm in school, i've had a lot of accomplishments in high school, i'm a girl, i'm his daughter....those things are really not anything but descriptors.
So many people believe they know me based off of descriptors.
It's laughable and lonely-like.

"Don't mind me, i wrote this shit off of one or two henie's"
Or cold medicine. My mom sent me cold medicine and it's not non-drowsy, so I'm basically a tad lifted. I have an itchy throat and really don't want it to escalate into a cold, so I took medicine. (Random)

I joined (or I think I did) the Literary Mag @ school called Hyphen. They're mag last year was pretty nice. Nice layout, cool cover, typical emo-ridden poetry, resume booster. I was looking @ internships for Nickelodeon earlier. I even emailed MTVU about a show they needed college students for.
I'm on the pre-hustle hustle.
I've also applied for student jobs within the school of theatre and communications. I need to start somewhere. I would take like anything right now, just so I have more credibility within the field.

I'm broke and tracy & i are supposed to go see Ghostface next month.
Markita may/ or may not be coming to visit me.
I hang out with C.L. a lot. He's someone I knew from home that was from Philly and moved back.
I really want a bike, but I'm afraid i'll get hit by a car.
I don't remember what i've been doing from day to day, but somehow I stay busy.

-M.

0 comments effuimpretty @ 9:52 PM